if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
