I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
