I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
