Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
