dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
