So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
