I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
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you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
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I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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