the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
