Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
