I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
