I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
