you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
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Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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