Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
