i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
