why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
