My friends, they love my intelligence
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
50% drunk capacity currently
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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