U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
