I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
