matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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