I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize