i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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