So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
