Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
