She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
