I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
