The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
