I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
