we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
