he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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