i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
