We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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