pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we're so committed to being not committed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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