please come you make the beer taste better
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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