great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
