You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
