the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i was born a porn star she said
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
