What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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