and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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