either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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