I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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