I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
