im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
