she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Shame - the story of my life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
