Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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