Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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