I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
