he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
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At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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