You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
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She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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