I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i've created a new STD.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
