I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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