took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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