You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
