Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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