my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
