im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
