is your mom at the bar?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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