Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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