Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
