This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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