and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
