That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
