Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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