In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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