the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize