Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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