I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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