OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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