i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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