You work out of a Hotel?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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