We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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