New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
