So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
