I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
