what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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