Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
