In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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