even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
