I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Let's paint friendship bongs
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
