Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
